Citation : Singh AR (2024). Why the Torturer Doesn’t Change. In :Ghalib, Psychology and Human Behaviour - 2 (A.R Singh and S.A Singh Eds), Mens Sana Monogr; 22:1. pg 28-29
کبھی نیکی بھی اس کے جی میں گر آ جائے ہے مجھ سے
جفائیں کر کے اپنی یاد شرما جائے ہے مجھ سے
कभी नेकी भी उस के जी में गर आ जाए है मुझ से
जफ़ाएँ कर के अपनी याद शरमा जाए है मुझ से
kabhii nekii bhii us ke jii me.n gar aa jaa.e hai mujh se
jafaa.e.n kar ke apnii yaad sharmaa jaa.e hai mujh se
(DG 206;1: 1268)
Meaning
Even if, at times, she/he in inclined to be kind to me.
Remembering the earlier cruelties perpetrated, she/he shies away from me.
Explanation/Comment:
This is a subtle psychological explanation as to why some people cannot change their wrong attitudes even when they know they are hurting someone.
On realising that they have been cruel, people may decide to change. But, along with this thought, come memories of all the times they have been cruel. And, even when they want to change, remembering those incidents makes them shy away from doing the good they decide to.
It’s only when one can cross this barrier of guilt laden memories that one can really change.
Guilt is a double edged sword. Negatively. guilt can help perpetuate the same action that makes one feel further guilty. And one is caught in a vicious cycle.
Positively, guilt can be sublimated to kindness/compassion by cleansing the inner self to bring about lasting change.
That’s the challenge. That’s also the opportunity.
Citation : Singh AR (2024). Why the Torturer Doesn’t Change. In :Ghalib, Psychology and Human Behaviour - 2 (A.R Singh and S.A Singh Eds), Mens Sana Monogr; 22:1. pg 28-29
کبھی نیکی بھی اس کے جی میں گر آ جائے ہے مجھ سے
جفائیں کر کے اپنی یاد شرما جائے ہے مجھ سے
कभी नेकी भी उस के जी में गर आ जाए है मुझ से
जफ़ाएँ कर के अपनी याद शरमा जाए है मुझ से
kabhii nekii bhii us ke jii me.n gar aa jaa.e hai mujh se
jafaa.e.n kar ke apnii yaad sharmaa jaa.e hai mujh se
(DG 206;1: 1268)
Meaning
Even if, at times, she/he in inclined to be kind to me.
Remembering the earlier cruelties perpetrated, she/he shies away from me.
Explanation/Comment:
This is a subtle psychological explanation as to why some people cannot change their wrong attitudes even when they know they are hurting someone.
On realising that they have been cruel, people may decide to change. But, along with this thought, come memories of all the times they have been cruel. And, even when they want to change, remembering those incidents makes them shy away from doing the good they decide to.
It’s only when one can cross this barrier of guilt laden memories that one can really change.
Guilt is a double edged sword. Negatively. guilt can help perpetuate the same action that makes one feel further guilty. And one is caught in a vicious cycle.
Positively, guilt can be sublimated to kindness/compassion by cleansing the inner self to bring about lasting change.
That’s the challenge. That’s also the opportunity.